Thursday, 20 January 2011

The Cuisinart soup maker





I'll wager that even the most dedicated of my husband's fans are unaware that he writes a monthly column for a technology magazine called T3. It's one of those magazines that has models in bikinis on the front holding small items of new gadgetry made of brushed aluminium. Every month we are sent a piece of technology that he has to write about.

The joke being that my husband has a nervous breakdown if you suggest he so much as uses the "search inbox" function on his email. I can completely fuck his life up by setting his phone to Silent, because he won't notice or be able to put it back.

He was once sent a replacement mobile phone that wasn't a Nokia and hated it. But rather than ring up and send it back and get a Nokia, he drove himself into blurry fits of hatred and confusion and semi-tearful wobbles of frustration and despair trying to make it work. Every tantrum ended with a wail of "Why can't it just be 1930?" (Answer: because war would break out in 9 years and we'd all die.")

Anyway, he was too much of a tech-retard even to go onto the Nokia website and just buy himself a new sim-free Nokia. So after four months of this and of me finally snapping and screaming "Shut the FUCK UP up about how much you hate your stupid fucking phone!!" I went onto the Nokia website and bought him one myself.

Anyway, this is the kind of man we are dealing with, here. He hated the iPhone we were sent, and the 3D TV, and the XBox Kinetic. The Tom Tom HD traffic was more of a success, although the novelty C3PO voice got on his nerves after a while.

And then this arrived, the Cuisinart Soup Maker. Surely the most pointless and silly thing ever to have been invented by man. It's basically a blender that looks like it's been re-designed by Tim Westwood and it chops and cooks - yes it COOKS - your raw ingredients before whizzing them into soup

But soup is ridiculous. A slurry of mushed-up things, the first spoonful of which is nice but then you have to plough through the rest for what feels like years.

And in order to make it interesting you end up eating 16 slices of bread and enough Cheddar to fell an oak tree, when the whole point of eating (drinking?!) the soup in the first place was to lose a bit of weight while you consider doing the Tracy Anderson Mat Workout DVD that you completely forgot that you had bought on Amazon until it arrived at your door.

But when I unpacked the soup maker, from where my husband had dumped it after its arrival and had been nervously skirting around for the last week - like it was a dead body - it turned out to be rather an impressive beast.

And it came with a handy cookbook, which revealed I had been prejudiced and wrong to think that this sucker can only do soup. Not so! It can also do:

Thai fish cakes
Spiced apple chutney
Tikka Masala sauce

... some other stuff...

...as well as all manner of soups such as carrot and coriander and broccoli and stilton. You know the drill. It'll take a lot to convince me that it's worth spending money on, though - let alone the critical cupboard space sacrifice.

I haven't tried it out yet, as I'm a bit busy at the moment complaining about the size of my swollen ankles and lumbering off to the doctor to be stabbed in the arse with massive needles. But I will soon - otherwise my husband won't get round to it because he'll be too scared and will have to write the whole column without having actually taken the piece of technology out of the box. Plus ca change.

21 comments:

  1. wait, wait, a blender that COOKS things?

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  2. yes! believe it sister. you put the raw ingredients in the top and out comes hot soup.

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  3. That sounds… weird. Is is a super-quick way to make soup at least? I'd be v interested to hear what you think after you've used it.

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  4. It's the thai fish cake making claim that makes me suspicious...

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  5. I've got to ask. Why are you being stabbed in the arse with massive needles? BTW, I hate giving advice, even though I'm an agony aunt, but try strips of cucumber (unless they make you heave) in water and drinking the water (you don't have to eat the cucumber, just let it sort of marinate). It helps with swollen ankles and other swollen body parts when you're pg.

    Kenwood, I think, also does some sort of choppy, cooky, whizzy gadget. Never tried it. I can't bear dual purpose machinery. It's the washer/dryer principle: if one thing goes, the whole lot does.

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  6. you're hilarious!! I'll wait until you've tried it and discovered it does all those amazing things (and tidies your house, etc...) before I suggest the idea to my boyf that we should be eating soup in the evenings instead of curry (his idea of A Perfect Evening).

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  7. I'm being stabbed in the arse with needles because I'm rhesus negative and need a series of injections so next baby doesn't come out anaemic. I like cucumber, I will try that.

    Ludivine - you can use the Cuisinart soup maker to make curries!!! Don't rush out and buy one yet, though...

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  8. Haha, isn't it so sweet when you can change your husbands phone settings when they annoy you & they can't figure out what you've done? It's the little things in life that bring so much pleasure sometimes. If I were having those needles I'd probably be changing the settings on everything from his phone to the V+ just so he could feel some pain too!! Poor you!!

    I actually love soup & make a 10 litre pot of it at a time, each time a different type so there is always a good selection of single portions in the freezer. Just so I don't get bored.I don't think I would even want to try this gadget. I enjoy the whole chopping, sauteeing, simmering process so even though I have a food processor I never use it.
    One of my favourite soups is curried sweet potato; with some noodles & chicken thrown in if I need to make it more substantial.
    Looking forward to hearing if the gadget works anyway. I'm sure it will be an amusing experiment if nothing else.

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  9. I found this blog searching for soup recipes for my new CuisineArt Soup Maker (I got it for Christmas)and I LOVE it. I'm not the best cook in the world, can't even boil an egg well but this makes amazing soup even my 11 year soup hating dd will come back for seconds for.
    Its quick and easy to use too. The only negative has to be the cleaning of it. The glass jug is attached to the motor so you can't immerse it in water BUT it does come with a self clean mode which surprisingly does work.
    I want a jam maker next lol

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  10. a luscious bowl of chicken soup with knadles is a good thing... and this abboration of science and technology could not (and should not) make this... this just seems like one of those silly things that shouldn't have been invented... I do implore you however to try making some lovely vegetable soups... very nice and warming on these cold days..x

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  11. does this gadget win at being THE most pointless item ever? unless you live in a cupboard and have no stove?

    Can you make gruel in it?

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  12. My suspicion is that it doesn't make the Thai fish cakes from start to finish. It probably just does the prep work and you have to mold them and finish them on your own. But hey, prove me wrong.

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  13. Hey Girl...... try your soup maker...it is amazing! My chubby hubby and I are having some form of veggie soup every day for lunch and he loves it......great for the waistline. I have been tossing in anything I have in the veggie drawer and out comes lovely soup.

    And.... I made the apple crepes......fabulous!

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  14. So I've used it once since receiving it from hubby for Christmas, and there it sits on the counter begging for another effort. The chicken noodle soup was very good, but chilled borscht? I don't think so. How about a recipe for French onion soup? Hmmmm .... until then, it's about as useless ae my Cuisinart Classic Waffle Maker.

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  15. It is great! Makes lovely soup effortlessly and in quantities which are reasonable instead of making a huge pot and throwing half of it away! Just need a bigger recipe book for it! Try it, you will like it!!

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  16. As a non cooking accident in the kitchen prone male I can assure you that the Cuisineart does in fact make soup that is so good that a lady friend of mine actually takes away bowls of my efforts and had nothing but praise for them.

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  17. I've got one and it's the best thing since the halogen oven! Do try it out. I have to admit I am a soup fan, but it is great, really!

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  18. I got one of these recently and it really rocks! Amazingly easy to use - so far I've made two different soups as well as the chocolate mousse recipe (which is the best choc mousse I've ever had, believe it or not). So I'm a big fan - it is definitely staying in rotation on my kitchen counter.

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  19. Yep, i've got one and absolutely love it! Well worth the investment.

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  20. i bought Belini Soup make from Target for $84 has glass container with stainless steel base and woks well. So impressed bought another for my daughter . Be interesting to see if it continues its magic performance as it certainly looks the goods for the money. I have seen so much overpriced products on TV that can be picked up much cheaper from shops the Nibbler being one with so many outrageous claims appearing to go unchallenged .

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  21. I've had this gizmo for two years now, and it is the best small appliance I have ever purchased.(Not actually a fan of small appliances -- can't spare the room!) Fresh soup every day at the (almost) drop of a hat!! Excellent.

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