Monday, 18 October 2010

Under pressure

I want to point out that I'm doing this under some serious duress. I don't see why anyone would want to know any more about me than I already splurge on about, but one of my readers, who shall remain nameless because I'm about to be really mean about her, wants me to do it - in her perky, cheerful, happy-go-lucky, probably American manner. Why these people have to be so cheerful I don't understand.

Anyway she wants me to answer these questions. So I said I would.

1) What do you most enjoy about blogging ?
The shitty, snide comments I get 18 times a day that I have to delete and then wander round answering them furiously in my head, which always results in some kind of daydreamt mid-street show-down with a flamethrower.

2) What is your personal acheivement or moment that sticks in your mind and why?
I got my boyfriend to buy me a really enormous engagement ring. That was pretty cool because people don't usually want to buy me things. Can't think why.

3) What is your favourite party drink?
The Coca-Cola I drink with a kebab on the way home/a charcoal bolus.

4) If you could go on holiday tomorrow, where would you go?
Back to bed. Or anywhere where I'm not expected to pretend to work

5) What is the most unusual ingredient in your store cupboard right now?
Some really weird-looking szechuan peppers, I think. Maybe they're not szechuan peppers.

6) What do you do in your 'free' time?
I watch Judge Judy and eat Nutella on toast. Although to be honest, all my time is free, but I only allow myself to watch Judge Judy in my "free" time, which are moments I nominate to stop pretending to work.

7) What is the name of the last restaurant you went to?
It was called Lumiere in Cheltenham. It was okay.

8) What is your favourite style of cooking to eat out (rather than cook yourself)?
Japanese grilled food, or dim sum.

I'm supposed to tag eight other food bloggers, but I don't know eight other food bloggers. I don't even know eight other bloggers full stop because I'm so antisocial. Of the two other bloggers I know, there's only one who I think won't be monstrously offended by my questions, below, and that's James at

And here are my questions to him

1) What's the point of it all?
2) What do you like least about me?
3) What do you like least about yourself?
4) What's the worst restaurant in London?
5) Who is the worst cook you know?
6) Who is the last person who really annoyed you?
7) What do you hate most about cooking?
8) What do you hate most about other bloggers?

But he's finishing off his cookbook at the moment, so won't answer them for about three months, by which time I hope everyone will have forgotten all about this embarrassing interlude.


In a staggering but typical moment of ineptitude, I failed to explain to James how the game works, so instead of posting the answers to my questions on his blog, he emailed them back to me. But as it's so funny how I've managed to totally collapse the whole system, I'm just going to post the answers here.

1) What's the point of it all? Of blogging or life? I think beetroot is fairly essential to both.

2) What do you like least about me? Well, you're a little unreliable I suppose. You juice us up with 4 blog posts in a row then don't write a thing for a couple of weeks. And I sent you a beetroot soup recipe to test ages ago and you still haven't done it. But you're pregnant so you have an excuse.

3) What do you like least about yourself? I have imaginary arguments with people and end up cross with them for no reason. Not such a fan of my hair, either.

4) What's the worst restaurant in London? Difficult. I think we're pretty spoiled here. There's a chain called Miso which is dire. Cosmo in Croydon will probably be worse if it's anything like its Bristol sister.

5) Who is the worst cook you know? I can't think of anyone who cooks truly inedible food to be honest. My grandmother is, erm, inventive. She once did a red pepper stew and the labels were still on the peppers. Must be a wartime thing.

6) Who is the last person who really annoyed you? My bandmate Dave annoys me most weeks, but it's mostly intentional, mostly.

7) What do you hate most about cooking? I don't hate anything about cooking. I don't love doing puddings. I put up with them. Give me cheese over pudding any day.

8) What do you hate most about other bloggers? Crikey. Hate is such a strong word. I am incredibly fond of most bloggers - they're a lovely bunch of people. But, to generalise somewhat, bloggish posturing, one-upmanship, sense of entitlement...we're food bloggers for fuckssake, not Nobel scientists. I do admire the level of commitment and academia to food that some take, but for me food will always be just food.


  1. Heh, which two did you tag? Should be quite amusing. I rather enjoyed your very un-American grouchy answers. :) Made me snigger.

  2. How I love your blog. It cheers me up no end (even though once I totally f*cked one of your pancake recipes).

  3. I think you're fecking hilarious.

  4. I'm from Cheltenham! Never heard of Lumiere though.
    Esther you make me actually laugh out loud with your comments.

  5. They don't have to be food bloggers... they can be any kind of bloggers. Don't you feel better for that Esther ? You know you wanted to answer really. Aw... thank you. You made my day. PS> I'm 'like totally' not American... but I know a fair few... Jeez ! Maybe it's rubbing off on me. Funny. All the best, KG. :o)

  6. Esther! I wondered where you had disappeared to! I'm sorry that people make horrid comments on your blog. I hope none of mine are horrid, I don't *think* I've written anything critical, just the odd addition/suggestion. See, besides a worrying lack of tact I'm alarmingly paranoid...

    Anyway, I was beginning to worry.

  7. Ha! I've really freaked you all out. No, Josie, the horrid comments are REALLY horrid - I doubt you could dream one of them up in a month of Sundays. x

  8. So glad that you are back on form. Personally I prefer to visit a slow, painful, lingering death on anyone who even slightly annoys me rather than the flamethrower option - it's just too quick!

  9. :( I once saw a load of horrid comments on a piece you had written somewhere... maybe the Daily Mail, I don't know, I forget. I got very angry on your behalf! Why do people have to be such meanies?!

    I used to just comment under the name Jo then I set up an account here as it got complicated to manually follow everything on here I wanted to. Glad you're ok :) x

  10. Oh yeah that would've been the Evening Standard. Fuckers.

  11. That's the one! I was seething at them, so I can only imagine your reaction. So freaky as it sounds, there are people out there who don't actually know you who get cross at other people being mean about/to you. Also, I like reading about cooking/non cooking that you write... I just have to resist the urge to comment on almost everything saying 'oh my gosh, meeeee toooo' because it makes me look weird. Have a good day :)

  12. Happy to be the Guinea pig for your cheerful American friend. I started a blog ( which you influenced for sure, so thank you for inspiring Esther!

  13. I am NOT an American....

  14. I think you're bloody hilarious.

  15. Your blog is brilliant - genius ! Love your honesty :)and as for the nasty comments - fuck em, they are jealous end of..

  16. I love your blog, Esther. Try not to take the nasty comments to heart (as hard as that can be). There's some awful people out there. Goodness knows why they feel the need to be so horrid.

  17. I can't believe you get that much bitchiness from the internet! How strange. You totally should make like Dooce and monetize the hate.

  18. Esther I have read so many of your blogs in the last 48 hours (avoiding a uni essay) that I dreamt you were in my kitchen last night. Probably a sign to slow things down and get back to the essay. They are so hilarious and a bit addictive, I thought I should post something nice in an attempt to potentially counteract a bad comment which you may have deleted.

    1. omfg get back to work slacker or you'll get a 2.2 like I did.

      my husband went out to dinner with an old friend of his who is now really rich and said "I reckon we can get on his boat this summer" and I literally dreamt about being on a boat in the SoF ALL NIGHT

      when I woke up I was so disappointed genuinely a tiny tear sprang to my eye

      thanks for reading xxx