Thursday, 1 April 2010

Happy bloody Easter

Sorry if I'm a little bit distracted today. I've got this problem with a dress for my wedding. Not the wedding dress - that's all fine - but the dress I'm wearing to the wedding afterparty. It is THIS short, hot pink Herve Leger dress that I bought at vast expense from Net a Porter.

It arrived this morning and I fell about it like a starving man on a plate of bacon and eggs.

I tried it on.

It fit - it clung.

My stupid horrible arse arse buggery diet had worked and I looked exactly like a neurotic bride 3 weeks off her wedding.

Fuck... THREE WEEKS? ... Is that it?

Anyway, I rushed upstairs to show Giles who went "Oh my god wow." And then he said. "What are those stains?"

"What stains?" I looked down and saw. With the material pulled taught (taught, not tight) you could see murky sort of water marks all the way down the right hand side. I took the dress off, feeling ill, and hung it up. I rang Net a Porter. They said they'd change it for an unmarked one. But now it's hanging up looking very bright pink and a bit slutty and now I don't know. I'm not really kidding myself too much about a re-wear. I reasoned that I'm never going to be as thin as I'll be on my wedding day and would never have the guts to wear that kind of dress normally, so I might as well just go for it.

But then a little voice in my head - the one that feels ill at the price tags in Anthropologie and scuttles off to Topshop instead - tells me that to buy a dress you might never wear again is profligate and morally bad. But everything I own is a sensible colour and a sensible shape.

Anyway, the indescision rages on.

Meanwhile, here is a picture of a hot cross bun:

made by the lovely Harriet Addison, who follows this blog although she really ought to be writing one of her own (maybe she does?) because she's obviously a much better cook than me. Anyway, get your hot cross buns in for this weekend! I'm off to Waitrose in one hour and don't think for one second that there won't be a cellophane-wrapped package of high-class hot cross buns in my trolley. As I bow to Hadge's higher achievement, I reach for the trans-fats.

In other news, I must report a really textbook bit of storecupboard cooking from Giles yesterday: flageolet and chorizo stew.

You need:

Some chorizo, chopped

Tinned flageolet beans

1 onion

1 Chop up the onion and sweat in a pan with the chorizo for 8-10mins

2 Add the beans (with water)

3 Cook everything, stirring occasionally, for about 12 mins

INSTANT stew. Enjoy with a couple of Haimisha cucumbers.

Have a smashing Easter and try not to think about the fact that it's the celebration of the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ, because it's not a nice story and will make your choccy egg taste funny.


  1. Oh please. By that logic, you wouldn't do any of it! You wouldn't have a wedding cake cos you might not have one again. You wouldn't marry Giles cos it might be the only day you ever marry him. You wouldn't go on a honeymoon because when it's finished you'd have had it and it would be had and you couldn't have it again the week after.
    Weddings are all about NEWNESS and FIRSTNESS and ONCE-AND-ONCE-ONLYNESS. Put your tiny arse in the fab pink dress and have a lovely day. If you wear it again, good: you've been efficient. If not, good: it's a lovely symbol of the onceness of marriage!
    PS. Do you have a fitting date for the w dress? If you don't, I'm bloody well making it for you...

  2. no no no it's different because you CAN'T go on honeymoon again and you CAN'T eat the cake again but I COULD wear the dress again and I'm limiting that buy buying a really short hot pink one. but then I'd just buy a boring black one and everyone in Waitrose would go God there's that girl wearing her stupid dress AGAIN. doesn't she own anything else?

    I have a penultimate fitting of the wedding dress tomorrow. the dressmaker was v apologetic about being so late but is making up time now xxx

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  4. A completely random comment, but after a scoot around the N-a-P website, if it's the dress I'm guessing it is, go for it!!
    It looks beautiful, and that's the sort of dress you *find* the occasion to wear again, even if you think you never will.
    Off to buy some hot cross buns!

  5. I posted a pic of the dress - it probably IS the one you were guessing. The consensus is that I should just buy it and be done with it. My little sister has also texted me to say that I should get that one and not one "in a boring fucking colour that you always do. If you get fat just give it to me."

    So, case closed.

  6. You absolutely *must* keep that dress. Fairies will die if you send it back, everyone knows that's what happens when you return things to NaP.

  7. 我的痛苦會停止,但求我的心能征服它。..............................